


For the Best

by Meaningless_Mayhem



Series: Third Time's the Charm [2]
Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Gen, Ghost Wilbur Soot, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Toby Smith | Tubbo, I just really needed to finish this, Late Night Writing, PLEASE IF ANY OF THIS IS TRIGGERING DO NOT READ, Please stay safe, President Toby Smith | Tubbo, Sad Toby Smith | Tubbo, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Notes, TW:, Tags Are Fun, Toby Smith | Tubbo Angst, Toby Smith | Tubbo Deserves Better, Toby Smith | Tubbo-centric, Tommy ain't dead Tubbo just thinks he is, but I make him suffer, exile arc, i wrote like half of it and then didn't write for like two and a half months, man i am so emotionally exhausted from the lore, ok i started writing this in late december before the exile arc ended, or maybe that's just quarantine, please read the author's notes lol, probably right before tubbo found out tommy was alive, sequel to Silenced but can be read on its own, so uh, somewhere around that time, sorry - Freeform, sorry if it's bad at the end, summary kind of sucks but oh well, the thought process is kind of on the vague side but still, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-21 11:34:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30021153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meaningless_Mayhem/pseuds/Meaningless_Mayhem
Summary: Tubbo struggles with the weight of being president, his decisions, and his guilt.---(It’s for the best.)---(Please read the tags)//TW: Suicide, Suicidal Thoughts, please do not read if it triggers you, stay safe!!!
Relationships: Clay | Dream & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Toby Smith | Tubbo & Everyone, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Series: Third Time's the Charm [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2207985
Comments: 6
Kudos: 106





	For the Best

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! It's been a while! Yeah... Like I said in the tags, I started this in late December before the exile arc ended, and I wanted to finish writing before that ended... but I lost motivation/got lazy halfway through, and yeah, two and a half months later, I got the motivation to finish it.
> 
> Though the ending is kind of rushed, I feel, so sorry about that. The work is also kind of short too, but oh well. I just wanted to finish this and not have to worry about it.
> 
> Again, near the end, there's some potentially triggering stuff. Please don't read it if you don't feel comfortable. Stay safe!

Rain thundered down as the figure of his best friend faded into the distance, guided by the hands of the hooded man.

The president stared at the grey horizon, ignoring the shouts of his cabinet and the rain that drenched his clothes, and held back tears.

_L’manburg can’t handle another war,_ he thought as he clenched his jaw shut and blinked the wetness out of his eyes.

_I_ _—_ _we_ _can’t handle another war._

Tubbo turned back to his cabinet and crushed the shame building in his heart.

_I made a promise to this country and I intend to keep it._

_(_ ~~_Even when it’s difficult._ ~~ _)_

_(_ ~~_Even if he doesn’t like it._ ~~ _)_

_This is for the best,_ he told himself.

* * *

Over the next few days, Dream visits him with a cheery facade. He praises Tubbo for his work and is decidedly… ‘friendly.’

_You’re a great president, Tubbo. You’ve done the best for this country, better than anyone ever has._ His sickly smile is audible.

_I_ _trust_ _you to make the right decisions,_ his words sweet as honey.

Tubbo shudders.

* * *

Ghostbur _(the fractured shell of a former mentor, leader, friend,_ ~~_and brother_ ~~ _)_ leads him to Logsted, Tommy’s residence in his exile, oblivious as can be. Tommy had left, apparently, to get supplies.

_(Guilt crawled up his chest.)_

The ghost takes him back to L’manburg and happily hands him a compass.

_Your Tommy._

Tubbo hurriedly accepts the gift, thanking Ghostbur, and runs back home.

He slams the door, slides to the ground, and buries his face in his hands.

* * *

His secretary of state calls for the blood of the Blood God. The president is hesitant. He wants peace for his country. He exiled his best friend for the safety of the nation. This would make his actions for naught.

_Technoblade is the biggest threat to our country,_ Quackity reasoned. _Taking out the ones on the Hit-List will ensure peace for our nation._

His foreman, Fundy, agrees with enthusiasm. Tubbo finds himself outnumbered.

_Are you sure?_ He asks, unable to disagree.

_It’s for the good of the country,_ his cabinet responds encouragingly.

_(Being the leader means having to make difficult decisions.)_

The president concedes to the advice of his council.

* * *

Quackity leads the raid on Philza’s house and the hunt for Technoblade. Tubbo is pushed into the background, quiet and docile.

He can’t look Phil in the eyes. He fears the anger and betrayal that is surely in them.

_(In reality, the man was looking at him with sorrow and pity.)_

_(How these young souls were handed the weight of the world.)_

_(It reminded him of another lost soul.)_

_(A soul he killed.)_

_(Phil looks away.)_

They arrive at Techno’s humble abode and take his horse hostage. He surrenders and the president’s cabinet drags the anarchist back to L’manburg.

All the while, Tubbo remains dutiful and obedient.

_This is what the people want,_ he tries to assure himself.

_(Technoblade regards him with pity as well.)_

_(Oh, how these naive children were chained by the shackles of government.)_

The execution stage is already set up. The intricate machine towers high above their heads. His secretary and foreman look on with excitement.

Tubbo can see the _bloodlust_ and _hunger_ in Quackity’s eyes. He is _terrified._

Quackity must have seen his reluctance. _This is justice!_ He yelled.

Tubbo looks at the cage and sees only another execution. One that he decorated. One that is seared forever in his mind.

_(Flashes of beautiful color and the burning sensation of an explosion. The pain of being blown apart and stitched back together again. The panic, the fear, the laughter—)_

He sees Phil looking out his window. He sees Techno helplessly trapped.

_(Let me out, let me out, please—)_

_(A memory arises.)_

He swallows thickly.

_(History repeats itself.)_

The lever is pulled and color radiates once again.

* * *

(He and Dream play chess in his many visits. The masked man moves a pawn.)

( _You’re doing the right thing,_ he soothes, as Tubbo thinks about his next move nervously.)

_(This is for the best,_ he chuckles.)

* * *

He runs as fast as he can to the portal that leads to his friend.

_I need to fix this._

The hypnotizing purple swirls fade and give way to a different scene, a scene of destruction.

_What happened here?_

He scans the area and only sees rubble of the measly structures that used to stand there. He sees the tent, burnt and torn to shreds. He sees the main building of Logstedshire that is nothing but a crater. And he sees—

_No._

A massive tower, standing high, higher than he could see.

_(_ ~~_There’s only a few reasons that someone would think of building a haphazard tower such as this._ ~~ _)_

_No_ _._

_Surely not._

He clasps his hands across his mouth and hopes— _begs_ for it not to be true. Tears gather in his eyes.

_No._ _No_ _. He couldn’t have._

But the evidence is clear. The tower is there, clear as day, and his friend _(_ ~~_former, ex-best friend? No—_ ~~ _)_ is nowhere to be found.

_No…!_

The ground comes to meet him.

* * *

Later, he wakes and numbly walks his way back home.

_(_ ~~_It’s not a home, anymore, it never will be again, now that the person that made it feel like it was gone._ ~~ _)_

The trip is a blur, he can’t feel anything. He feels like a spectator of his own body. He walks robotically on the Prime Path.

Ranboo finds him stopped dead still on the path right in between where Tommy’s house and the bench are, eyes unseeing.  
  


_Are you okay?_ He asks. _Where were you?_

And that, snaps him back to reality. A terrible, awful reality.

“He’s gone,” Tubbo replies and sobs desperately into the hybrid’s arms.

_He’s gone and it’s my fault._

* * *

The funeral is a quiet affair, nothing like how his friend was. His cabinet look at him with pity.

(He feels indignant, for a moment. _They can’t_ _pretend_ _to care about him when they completely disregarded his exile._ )

(The anger dispels quickly when he remembers who gave the order in the first place.)

He tries to make the memorial to the best of his ability. He decorates it with little trinkets that Tommy left behind.

It doesn’t feel good enough.

* * *

The days following are the worst. He attempts to do his presidential duties and help out wherever he can but lacks enthusiasm. He’s only going through the motions. He feels like a ghost.

_(More so than the other notorious one that roamed the place.)_

Everything reminds him of Tommy, the wood of the path, the blue of the sky, the red of the sparsely hung-up decorations of a half-planned festival.

Most days, he blames himself.

Most days, he can’t get out of bed.

_(_ ~~_He’s gone, he’s gone, he’s gone—_ ~~ _)_

_(Most days, he cries.)_

* * *

(Ranboo worries.)

* * *

There’s an insidious voice that whispers things in his head.

_(What kind of person is he?)_

_(What kind of president ignores his responsibilities?)_

_(_ ~~_What kind of friend leaves his friend to die?_ ~~ _)_

They are all right, he knows. He is a farce of a president and even worse of a friend.

He doesn’t make his own decisions. He lets the cabinet control him. He is inexperienced and unknowledgeable and underqualified.

_(_ ~~_All he does is send people to their deaths._ ~~ _)_

He doesn’t know what he’s doing anymore. _(Did he ever?)_ He doesn’t know why he tries anymore.

Why does he keep going, why does he keep trying, when nothing good ever comes of it?

_(All you do is make things worse.)_

It’s a sudden revelation. And everything makes sense, in a morbid way.

* * *

He spends the next day writing letters to anyone and everyone he knows and cares about with vigor that he hadn’t had since before… everything.

_(He asks his cabinet to not be disturbed. They allow it, with everything he’s done for the past few weeks. It’s not anything new.)_

_(_ ~~_He doesn’t know if he’s grateful or disappointed._ ~~ _)_

He writes to Ranboo, Fundy, Quackity, Phil, even Ghostbur and Technoblade.

The letters are filled, for the most part, with thousands of apologies, explanations, and… goodbyes.

No amount of ‘I’m sorry’s can fix his mistakes, but he asks for forgiveness that he doesn’t deserve, anyway.

He saves one letter for last.

He stares at the blank page for a while and finally sighs.

He picks up the pen and writes.

* * *

He writes the names of each person on the back of the envelope and seals it. He stacks the letters in a neat pile on top of his desk.

That night, he dreams of long-forgotten times of laughter and peace.

* * *

On the next day, his _last_ day, he walks around and simply observes. He leisurely strolls around L’manburg and the Prime Path and even goes inside Church Prime to admire its simple but beautiful architecture one last time.

He sees a few people walk by and waves half-heartedly before continuing on.

Somehow, he hadn’t realized the beauty of this place until now.

He’s going to miss it.

* * *

Near the end of the day, he takes out all of his discs from his Ender Chest and makes his way over to the bench.

_(This spot was theirs. And it was his. It was special.)_

_(They were once together and happy here.)_

He plays every song, one by one, as he watches the sunset.

It’s beautiful.

The sun’s golden rays illuminate his face as it slowly creeps under the horizon.

The notes of the last song ring in his ears.

He stays still for a few minutes.

Then, he slowly stands up and takes out the disc.

He places the discs in his friend’s spot on the bench.

He gazes at it for a moment, then turns back to the view.

He looks down.

It’s a fairly high cliff.

He is shaking, he realizes. He’s afraid.

_It’s a fairly high cliff._

This is it.

The end of the line.

He breathes in and out to calm himself. It works marginally.

His hands are in tight fists.

_(Don’t you want to see him again?)_

He looks back at the sunset once more.

The day’s last bits of sunshine sparkle over the land.

It’s a nice view. Tommy had liked it.

He feels a tear flow down his cheek.

_(It’s for the best.)_

Tubbo takes a step forward, and falls.

* * *

_Dear Tommy,_

_I don’t know I’m writing to you, really. Well, I mean, I do, you’re my best friend, and you don’t deserve not getting a letter when everyone else has one._

_Anyway, the point of this is to say…_

_I’m sorry._

_I’m sorry I exiled you. I’m sorry I argued with you. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry for everything._

_I’m sorry I let you die._

_I don’t have any excuses. I was a shitty friend, I failed you, and I failed L’manburg._

_I’m so so sorry._

_Again, I don’t know why I’m writing this. You’re dead because of me, and you’re never going to see this._

_…_

_I guess I’ll see you soon._

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments and Kudos are appreciated!
> 
> I wrote Tubbo's emotions near the end there as numb and detached mostly, I hope that turned out good because I couldn't really write him being miserable, only numb. The second half of the fic was kind of rushed haha like I said earlier.
> 
> Here's some stuff that would happen after this fic that I thought didn't fit in this fic. I don't think I'll write it out, but here it is:
> 
> I think Ranboo finds Tubbo's body when he goes to search for him later? Which is pretty sad. He panics and probably carries his body back. Then he finds the letters. Ranboo's letter is filled with apologies like the other ones, but Tubbo wrote something like, 'thanks for being there, thanks for being my friend,' and then Ranboo feels guilty that he didn't check on Tubbo more.
> 
> When Tommy goes to L'manburg with Technoblade later, L'manburg has a somber atmosphere and Tubbo is nowhere to be found, so they investigate, and find Tubbo's funeral going on or something. And then he lets the invisibility potion wear off and shouts at everyone what happened, and then Ranboo tells him. Tommy can't believe it, and then Ranboo shows him the letter that Tubbo wrote to Tommy, and then he cries.
> 
> If anyone wants to write that, feel free!
> 
> As for future fics, I'm currently in the Avatar fandom right now (again), and I'm thinking of a cool fic idea, but I don't really know if it will be a fic. Maybe I'll post some snippets of ideas instead of a full fic, who knows.
> 
> Hope you have a good day!


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